What is Radical Acceptance?

Radical Acceptance involves accepting the reality of a situation, without judgement or resisting against painful emotions or circumstances.

When we refuse to accept challenging circumstances it amplifies the pain, in difficult times we might have self talk that says things like 'I can't stand this', 'this is not okay' and 'this shouldn't be happening'. We can spend a lot of time and energy refusing to accept what cannot be changed.

Radical Acceptance is an Active Stance

In times of stress we may consciously or unconsciously believe that accepting something means we are weak or powerless or happy with the situation. However, Radical Acceptance doesn't mean we approve of a situation, it means we accept its existence, which then leads to emotional relief. Radical Acceptance is an active stance that facilitates change by helping regulate emotions and solve problems.

We might still feel disappointment, sadness or fear, but we avoid compounding these emotions with the added burden of non-acceptance.

The core idea is that suffering comes from fighting reality rather than the pain itself. By no longer resisting what is outside your control, you can redirect your mental and emotional energy to make proactive changes.

For example, in the infographic below, once we release fighting the situation (it's raining), we can put our energy towards finding a solution - getting an umbrella or changing plans from a picnic in the park to going to the movies. 

Infographic showing the psychological strategy of Radical Acceptance

Steps to Radical Acceptance:

In the height of stress, Radical Acceptance can feel impossible. Here are some steps we can use when we are trying to move from resistance to acceptance:

1. Imagine what acceptance looks like and what resistance looks like

When Radical Acceptance feels impossible, try to imagine both being accepting of a situation or continuing to not accept the situation. In the example in the above Radical Acceptance infographic, this imagination exercise might look like this:

Acceptance: limiting worry thoughts, brainstorm many different possible options - stay home, get an umbrella, change the plans from a picnic to the movies, imagining acting out the different options.

Non Acceptance: spending time thinking and worrying about how bad the situation is, being stuck in only one 'right' way or outcome and not exploring other possibilities, continuing to feel stuck and frustrated, continuing to believe the thoughts and interpretations about the situation and feeling pain from those meanings.

2. Ask yourself to imagine alternative pathways - for example, 'if I were accepting of this situation, what steps could I consider taking?'

Even if you aren't ready to take steps yet, simply knowing there are choices in your response can help with getting unstuck, or knowing what steps you may take when you feel ready, bridges the gap between action and inaction. Try to imagine the alternative pathways in detail.

3. Brainstorm and visualise mini steps

Once you have explored possible alternative pathways, break each pathway down into mini steps. It can help to use this free Newcastle counselling printable goal ladder, or draw your own, to list all the mini steps.

4. Visualise someone else's response to the situation

Pick a few different people, and imagine how they may respond, include some humorous responses as well, or even a fictional character. Be sure to include a few people who align with your values or inspire you.

5. Give yourself time and validate validate validate

Like all psychological strategies and emotional regulation skills, new skills take time and practice and Radical Acceptance is no exception. Be sure to give yourself the space and time to validate where are you are at, before rushing to fix/change/control/ or avoid discomfort.

Kristen, local Newcastle counsellor and Accredited Mental Health Social Worker

Are you interested in psychological strategies, personal growth, increased emotional regulation skills and relief from emotional pain? Read more about Kristen, local Newcastle counsellor or book online today.