Setting Healthy Boundaries at Christmas: Guidance from Kristen Fraser Counselling Newcastle

Looking After Your Wellbeing During the Festive Season

Setting Healthy Boundaries, Kristen Fraser Counselling Newcastle

Introduction: The Importance of Boundaries at Christmas

Christmas is often described as the most wonderful time of the year, however, for many people Christmas brings stress, overwhelm and family tension. Social events, family gatherings and the pressure to please everyone can leave us feeling exhausted and stretched thin. This is why setting boundaries is so important, especially at Christmas. At Kristen Fraser Counselling Newcastle, I believe it is possible to find ways to enjoy the holidays in a way that supports wellbeing.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are limits and rules we set for ourselves in relationships and situations. Boundaries help define what we are comfortable with and what we are not comfortable with. Boundaries guide how we connect with others. Boundaries can come in different forms:

• Physical Boundaries: space and touch (e.g. hugging and personal space)

• Emotional Boundaries: protecting your feelings and emotional energy

• Time Boundaries: how you choose to spend your time

• Material Boundaries: sharing or loaning your belongings

Why Boundaries Matter

Boundaries are essential for maintaining emotional wellbeing and healthy relationships. When we set clear limits, we protect ourselves from burnout, resentment and feeling overwhelmed.

Boundaries help us to:

• Take care of our own needs

• Communicate our priorities and values

• Foster respect in relationships

• Reduce stress and anxiety

• Enjoy social events on your own terms

Without boundaries, it is easy to say "yes" to everyone and everything only to end up feeling drained or overlooked.

How to Set Boundaries: Practical Steps and Communication

Setting boundaries doesn't have to be confrontational or harsh. Boundaries are not punishment, they are clarity. In fact, setting boundaries is both healthy and considerate by helping others know how to treat us. Here are some tips for setting healthy boundaries by Kristen Fraser Counselling Newcastle, especially during Christmas:

• Know your limits and take time to reflect on what feels comfortable and what doesn't, without judging yourself for your needs and preferences

• Communicate clearly by using simple and direct language, often a single sentence is enough

• Be consistent by sticking to your decisions, even if others push back and be ready to remind others of your boundary

• Practice self care by checking in with your own needs

• Use 'I' statements to express your needs without blaming others

Why Setting Boundaries is Hard

Setting boundaries doesn't have to be hard, but like all skills, it can feel hard if we haven't seen it done by caregivers or other role models. Setting limits can also be hard if we haven't had any practice at it. Some reasons it can be challenging to set limits include worrying or disappointing others, fear of conflict, fear of being seen as selfish, guilt about putting our needs first, not wanting to disrupt family traditions or expectations. Remember, setting boundaries isn't about rejecting others, it's about protecting the relationship so the relationship can continue in a way that works for everyone. The relationship will feel safer and more comfortable for everyone with healthy boundaries in place.

Ways To Say No

It can help to practice sentences or ways to say no, in words that feel comfortable or resonate with you. Some ways to say no are below, or look at this free 'ways to say no' printable that can be downloaded and kept handy.

• Thanks for thinking of me, but I can't make it this time.

• I appreciate the invite, but I'm keeping things low key this Christmas.

• That doesn't work for me, but I hope you have a great time.

• I need to prioritise my own wellbeing this year, so I'll have to pass.

• I'm not comfortable with that, but thank you for understanding.

• I've got other plans, but let's catch up another time.

• I'm focusing on family/quiet time this season, so I'll have to say no.

• No, thank you.

Remember, a respectful and direct "no" is perfectly okay, there is no need to over explain or apologise for setting boundaries and communicating your needs.

Family and Specific People: Unique Difficulties with Loved Ones

Boundaries can feel even harder to set with family or certain people. Family dynamics, history and expectations often make it harder to say "no". You might feel pressure to go along with what's always been done, or to meet the needs of parents, siblings, or in-laws. Sometimes, loved ones may take it personally or push back against new limits. It's important to remind yourself that your needs and boundaries are valid. You can care about others while still looking after yourself.

Examples of Christmas Boundaries

Some examples of boundaries that might be helpful during the Christmas holiday season are listed below. Consider these examples ahead of time, so you have self awareness and know your own limits. Once you know what you feel more comfortable with, it will be easier to communicate a boundary.

• Choosing which gatherings to attend, and which to skip

• Limiting gift spending or opting out of gift exchanges altogether

• Setting time limits for visits, for example, "we will come for lunch, but not stay for dinner"

• Declining alcohol or certain foods

• Taking breaks from socialising for some quiet time

• Letting family know you won't discuss certain topics

• Asking for help or delegating Christmas tasks

• Protecting your children's routines or boundaries with relatives

The Difference Between Boundaries and a Request

A boundary is a limit you set for yourself, while a request is an ask for someone else to change their behaviour. Boundaries are about what you can control. When we set a boundary, we are making clear what our actions will be.

A good example of the difference between a request and a boundary is below:

Request:

"Can you text me before dropping by, so I can make sure I am available?"

Boundary:

"I won't answer the door for unannounced visits".

How a Newcastle Counsellor Can Help

If you're finding it tough to set boundaries or handle the pressure of Christmas, you're not alone. A Newcastle counsellor can support you to:

• Identify your values and what is important to you

• Explore why boundaries feel difficult with certain people

• Develop assertive communication skills

• Role play challenging conversations

• Build confidence in saying "no"

• Manage guilt, anxiety, or fear around boundary setting

At Kristen Fraser Counselling Newcastle, we offer a safe, non judgemental space to work through family dynamics, holiday stress, and any worries you have about setting boundaries. Together we can develop strategies so you can enjoy a more peaceful Christmas.

Setting Healthy Boundaries with Kristen Fraser Counselling Newcastle

Setting boundaries isn't always easy, but it is key to fostering and maintaining healthy connection and relationships. Boundaries help protect our time, energy and wellbeing - no matter what season we are in. A therapist can help you navigate tricky family situations and build confidence in setting limits.

If you would like to talk more about boundaries or any other challenges, contact Kristen Fraser Counselling Newcastle for a confidential chat or book online.